Question by jay: LMAO……over the top maybe?
I’m just an ordinary guy who likes to go out 10 or 15 times a week. My friends say the high number of women I date means I have a problem with intimacy. I disagree. During sex, it never takes me more than three attempts to scream out the correct name. I believe in treating women with dignity and respect. Whether it’s exchanging smiles in a checkout line or dry humping under the stars behind a nightclub dumpster, my dates always leave with their self-esteem and underwear intact.
I’m like a good aftershave lotion; once you’ve met me you’ll never get me out of your head. I’m also a man of many contradictions. Though I’ve been known to cast fate into the wind (ask me about the time I addressed our section chairwoman as “your holiness”), I understand the need for rules and regulations within a society. What kind of world would it be if we didn’t park our cars in our assigned spaces? I’m not afraid to want it all: a low maintenance girl with whom to share low maintenance fees. I imagine our first date would begin as the security guard lets you drive through the gate. It would end with us gazing into each other’s eyes while sipping sangria in the community hot tub.
I’m a spontaneous person who loves to squeeze the life out of everything. I work hard and I play hard. Give me a company credit card and five minutes to pack, and I’m ready for adventure.
My motto is: one date at a time. Being in love means never having to explain why everybody in the restaurant keeps referring to me by another name. I also believe that love is a many splendid thing, whether it’s in a darkened booth at an Outback Steakhouse or in the back seat of a Toyota Corolla. Above all, I’d like to meet someone who likes me for who I say I am and not who she thinks I am.
Ideal Person:
I’d like to meet a woman who isn’t obsessed with material things like money, cars, boats, last-known address, DNA samples, and birth certificates. You should be interested in getting to know the real me, and not whether I have any kids or how come I’m never available on holidays. You should also understand that selling polygraph machines requires irregular hours, sometimes in hotel rooms that rent by the hour. If you’d like to get together, send me an e-mail and we can arrange a time, place, and password.
I want to meet a woman who is willing to make a long-term commitment. Right now, I have openings for saturday, dec 8th, 2007 from 7-8 P.M. and friday, dec 14, 2007 from 9-11 P.M. I like to do a variety of things, but I’m guessing the evening will end either on my couch, in your bedroom, or in a public restroom stall. I’ll be more than happy to pay for the evening, but if I’m unemployed at the time, donations can be made to my PayPal account.
I’m seeking a woman who doesn’t have preconceived notions about men/women relationships. You don’t care if you can bench-press twice as much of me. You don’t feel threatened because I can sense your aura within a three-mile radius. You desire lovemaking that is tender (because of my overly sensitive skin) and gentle (because of my delicate bone structure). Be open to my expressions of affection rather than ignore my phone calls. Understand that I care and am not trying to “suffocate” you. Most of all, know that it hurts my feelings when you move and leave no forwarding address.
It may sound shallow but looks do matter. I’m not saying you have to look a specific way, but I’ve dated a lot of uglies and it just never works out. You don’t have to be a Victoria’s Secret model, but at least be good-looking enough to model for “Consumer Reports.” I’d like to meet a woman who could challenge me intellectually. Maybe not a female Einstein, but you should be able to talk about a variety of subjects like football, soap dishes, or what beer goes best with tortilla chips.
Best answer:
Answer by Ellen H
You seem to be pretty much a freak.
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